If you watched the arrest video of neo-Nazi bitch boys Tom Sewell and Nathan Bull after their cowardly attack on Camp Sovereignty, you’d be forgiven for thinking you’d accidentally tuned into some grainy 70s homoerotic softcore. The whole thing oozed more unspoken sexual tension than me eye-fucking the last slice of pizza during a hangover, before demolishing it like the shameless pizza slut I am. It didn’t look like an arrest; it looked like a sweaty, awkward deleted scene from Brokeback Mountain: The Bottom Bloopers. The kind of content that deserves an 18+ warning and its own cursed Pornhub category.
Nathan’s hands are cuffed behind his back by a male cop. A detail, in hindsight, supercharges the horniness in the air. He shoots Tom a look that practically whimpers: Be strong, my love. We’ll get through this. I’ll hold you later in our shared cell. And while prison romance clichés exist for a reason, as a proud advocate of consent, I rest easy knowing that, for once in their pathetic lives, something involving these two will actually be fully, desperately, eagerly agreed upon.
But it does raise a few pressing questions. Is there a pipeline from repressed white homosexuals to neo-Nazi that deserves proper academic study? How many of these boys are hiding in the closet between hate rallies? Would it be offensive to the proud power bottoms of the gay community if I suggested Thomas Sewell, the “fearless” leader of the NSN, is the bottom in their sexual endeavours? And most importantly: have I, as a writer, been sleeping on a lucrative neo-Nazi homoerotic fanfic niche that could’ve made me filthy rich by now?
Nathan Bull Arrest – Image Credit – The Australian
I would never criticise the LGBTQI+ community. I live only for the approval of the girls, the gays, and the theys. And sure, I’ve had my moments of sexual confusion, but that just comes from being attracted to men, who, let’s be honest, have historically been women’s biggest predator. What it’s never led to, however, is me turning into a crusty racist freak whose only path to orgasm is masturbating it raw to fantasies of exterminating anyone who isn’t white.
The jokes with these clowns write themselves. Thomas Sewell, proof that you can be both unemployed and an immigrant-hating immigrant, was, according to court records, recently evicted from his Wantirna South home. He now shuffles between a campervan and his in-laws’ Balwyn house with his two daughters (two years and eight months old). Geez, life comes at you fast. When he’s not juggling nappies, he’s holding his “political activism” rallies in the dead of night, because nothing says ‘alpha male’ like whisper-screaming your hate speech to a circle jerk of other masked bitch boys in the dark.
Image Credit – Photograph: Con Chronis/EPA
And while real men are at work, asleep, or welcome in their family homes, these pathetic little dickheads are skulking around at 3 am playing Nazi dress-up in masks. From the footage of Tom and Nathan, when the costume party ends in the streets, the sex party carries on in the sheets, with the limp circle jerk evolving into a full-blown Nazi orgy of shame. It’s only a matter of time before handcuffs and police-play kink get added to the menu at their next sad sex session.
I know I’ve been focusing on emasculating Thomas here, but I haven’t forgotten about 23-year-old Nathan Bull. Big, tough Nathan Bull, who thought he needed a mouthguard to bash women, elders, and others minding their business at Camp Sovereignty.The poster boy for fragile masculinity: mouthguard in, brain switched off, swinging at people smaller than him. Alpha male cosplay at its finest, right up until he has to face someone who might actually hit back.
Image Neo-Nazi protesters outside Parliament House in Melbourne in March 2023. Photograph: James Ross/AAP
According to the White Rose Society, Bull is the son of a former Victorian police officer. Like his boyfriend Tom, he was also charged (though later cleared) for flashing Nazi symbols at an Australia Day protest, because nothing says ‘hardcore tough guy’ like dressing up as the team that got stomped in World War II. His dad once proudly posted a photo of him wearing a neo-Nazi T-shirt, bragging about how “proud” he was. Proud of what, exactly? Your son being a “bottom” (hahaha, you get it) -tier Nazi cosplayer whose biggest life achievement will be starring in a tragic homoerotic prison romance with Tom “unemployed-in-a-campervan” Sewell?
They might think their crowning achievement is duping gullible Australians into joining their pathetic hate rallies on August 31st, but their legacy is much sadder—and infinitely more mockable. Sewell and Bull won’t be remembered as warriors or leaders, but as the prime symbols of try-hard masculine posturing turned to self-inflicted farce. Their so-called “movement” will go down as a punchline for hypocrisy and repression, not political relevance. Their names will pop up in punchlines, in porn parodies, and in cringe compilations—unintentionally spotlighting the absurdity at the core of their hateful hypocrisy. The only thing they’ll ever lead is the wank bank of other bitter little men, just as confused and pathetic as they are.